When I started this blog, I was…and am…facing a dragon. I love to write. When I do, I feel excited, overcome with thought and a desire to help others. A thought creeps in that sounds something like this, “What if no one likes it? What if the only people that do like it are family or people who already know me? What if I write and write and all that comes from it is time spent in front of a computer to accomplish nothing more than to stroke my own ego? Wait a minute! I thought I was humble and therefore did not have an ego to stroke!”
The “Whatif” dragon is a horrible one. It creates self-doubt, anxiety, fear of failure, and can turn our minds into mush. We speak to Whatif with a shaky voice, horrified about the possible outcome while fighting this monster. I think that the only reason this dragon has power is because I tie my thought to an outcome. After further examination I have figured out the reason or desired outcome for my writing. It is not to impress anyone, to receive a comment, followers, numbers of site visits, to bring others to my way of thinking, or even to help other people, although if it does that is a pretty great byproduct of my writing. My journaling should boil down to one thing, to meditate on paper. This is how I am going to slay this dragon. My intension is to write every day because I believe it best for people to meditate every day. It is how I am going to face and defeat Whatif. Some of what I write might make it on this blog, and maybe most of it won’t. It doesn’t matter and what if it did? By only seeking a personal growth outcome from my writing, the only fire that can be breathed within me is self-awareness and wisdom.